I’m going to be honest, I really didn’t want to write this post.
I reorganized my computer folders, I checked insta 1000 times, I made a tea.
And here I am, looking at my screen, thinking about something I feel a little ashamed to admit- I get jealous.
I am so so lucky to be surrounded by people who are ready to be #1 cheerleader. Women who want to collaborate, connect, support. Encourage, help and learn from one another. I feel all this positivity from the inside out, about 95% of the time.
But sometimes, that sneaky 5% gets the better of me.
I look at friends doing the same things I’m doing and feel like they’re so much further along than I am. They are constantly creating at a level that I can’t keep up with.
They are organized in a way that honestly just stresses me out.
They are so consistent it intimidates me.
So I get jealous; of their productivity, of their success, of their accomplishments. I write stories in my head about how I could never perform at the level they do.
In the past, these feelings could be pretty destructive- getting in fights with friends, personally giving up (or not even starting).
BUT now, I can see these feelings for what they are.. my OWN insecurity. Nothing to do with these amazing people I get to call friends and colleagues.
Now when I feel these things bubbling up I have a little protocol;
- I recognize my inner mean girl has taken the wheel
- I can sense her by the energy behind my words and thoughts. If suddenly I’ve become really angry (for no reason), and my heart is beating really quickly, its probably my inner Regina George coming out to play
2. I take a second to observe what she (mean girl) has said/thought
- Do I have any proof that any of these things are true? Do I actually mean them? How would I feel about saying these thoughts to that persons face? Would they still feel true? 99.9% of the time the answer is no, not even a little bit.
3. I ask my inner Regina what that actually issue is here. It’s always about something to do with me, and nothing at all to do with the target of my jealous thoughts.
- *usually* its because I feel SO overwhelmed that I’m stuck
- Often I feel this way because I haven’t taken time to celebrate MY accomplishments
4. I make a plan to figure out exactly what needs to get done, and when it has to be done by
- Podcast deadlines
- Blog deadlines
- Any teaching/workshop related emails
- Instagram materials
5. I plan time for me DAILY;
- Restorative Yoga (hellollooooo yes, everyone needs a daily restorative practice please)
- Movement practice (this can be a gentle 20 mins mobility, or an hour at the gym. Whatever is going to make me feel good that day)
- Food schedule (tbh, I’m always crankier if I feel like I haven’t been eating well)
6. Plan my days OFF
- I also get jealous when the people I admire for their work ethic also seem to be able to have time off?! HOW do they do that when there’s so much to get done?
- The answer? It’s how I’M organizing and prioritizing. If I’m jealous of someone else being able to take a break, I probably need less Netflix and more efficient scheduling. More efficiency- the more time I can take off.
A turning point for me re. handling jealousy/anger really began when I was able to practice taking a step back. Emotions like that usually have nothing to do with the person we’re angry at. *Most* times it’s our own insecurities/frustrations projected on to someone else.
Not to get all Forrest Gump on you; but life is like running a half marathon.
There might be others who reach markers before you, but ultimately they’re always there, waiting at the end to cheer you on. We run at our own pace, because thats the pace unique to us.
To all my friends cheering on, thank you so much for your patience, encouragement, and love.
We’re all in this together (including our inner mean girl <3)
Love, love, love